


but something's always wrong

by Bether



Category: Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Gen, Introspection, Not Beta Read, POV Female Character, POV Third Person, Present Tense, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-28
Updated: 2012-04-28
Packaged: 2017-11-04 11:12:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/393182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bether/pseuds/Bether
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Another game<br/>Of putting things aside<br/>As if we'll come<br/>Back to them sometime</i>
</p><p>
  <i>A brace of hopes (abrasive hopes)<br/>Of pride<br/>Of innocence (and pride in innocence)</i>
</p><p>~Toad The Wet Sprocket "Something's Always Wrong"</p>
            </blockquote>





	but something's always wrong

**Author's Note:**

> Set around/after the end of 3x15 "All My Children" when Caroline won't let Elena see Bonnie.
> 
>  **Disclaimer:** Characters mentioned are used without permission and are trademarks of the CW/L.J. Smith. I do not own them and am simply borrowing for my purposes. Please don't sue.

When Bonnie is young, she delights in listening to her grandmother's melodic voice weave tales about magic and mysticism. She tells stories of witches and how they work tirelessly to maintain the balance of nature because it's their _duty_ ; they are servants to this world. And, even though she doesn't quite understand what that means, she is enchanted by the idea of belonging to something larger-- of being important in that way.

Bonnie makes a point to tell her grandmother that if she had gifts like that, she would be _honored_ to do her job. She loves the way Grams' eyes sparkle with pride as she agrees-- she has faith Bonnie will always do the right thing. It's how she's been raised, it's in her _blood_.

If only she'd known then what she knows now; if only she'd understood what she was really being told, what the world was really like.

Sometimes Bonnie feels like her life is a series of if onlys. If only her mother hadn't left, if only the Salvatores had stayed out of Mystic Falls, if only she wasn't a witch, if only Caroline and Elena were humans, if only her life was _normal_. It isn't-- never was, really, though she didn't realize it at the time-- but it's nice to pretend every once in a while.

And that's the rub. Normal isn't real and far too many things aren't what they seem. Like being nature's servant? Not all it's cracked up to be. Never mind that she never asked for any of this, the job's really more like being nature's _slave_ than servant-- and Bonnie _knows_ slavery being both black _and_ a witch in small town Virginia. She hates that, hates feeling like her life's freedom is conditional.

It isn't fair, having responsibility like this thrust upon her. She shouldn't have to bear it or the consequences. _Especially_ not alone.

Bonnie tries _so hard_ to keep her world black and white. She's always been driven by morality, by her sense of right and wrong. Thing is, sometimes they're not one in the same. She has a duty to uphold but that doesn't make it _right_. At least, not to her.

It shouldn't be this complicated. Wouldn't be, maybe, if Grams were still around. (Another if only, another heartbreak.)

But she isn't here anymore, so Bonnie's doing her damned best to forge the right path-- the one that works for her, regardless what the spirits of hundreds of dead witches think on the matter. She will do what she can, what's _right_ (whatever that might be), but she will be no one's slave.

Bonnie thinks Grams would be proud of her for that, would understand the pull of loyalty to those she loves over laws of nature she doesn't fully comprehend and long-dead ghosts she hardly knows. But there's this saying-- it bounces around in the back of her mind from time to time: _the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few._

It makes her wonder if she even really knows what right is. Or if any of them have ever truly been free.


End file.
